As a female designer, I found that I had to suppress my experience and knowledge when communicating with contractors. It was much more productive to plead ignorance, bat my lashes, and go along with the playful teasing often found on construction sites. I grew accustomed to being called “honey” and “kiddo” and playing up my lack of knowledge of how things were actually built to utilize their expertise.

This openness to hearing their expertise earned their trust and respect by allowing them to partake in the design with their build knowledge. 

If I approach a conversation with humility, it’s much easier to learn from experts in the field since that humility rubs off and it seems to be less about the battle of egos and more about simple, direct communication.

I have very rarely experienced this reciprocated, where I feel that a male in the industry has utilized my expertise and shown the same respect for my experience. In fact, when it does happen, I’m blown away and in awe of how amazing it feels. 

I have had several distinct experiences in the field when I was treated differently than men. 

The Good

Working with the County

I work with my husband, Sean. Sean joined me about a year ago, and right away I asked him for help handling permitting for a project. He has called the county with referrals to call someone else, who refers him to a website form, which refers him back to the first person he called.

When I call, my questions are almost always answered immediately with joviality and additional advice is given so I can move forward. 

I can only credit my being female for getting this extra attention, and it comes from both genders (actually, primarily women!). 

This treatment of both genders is pretty ridiculous. Males who are simply looking to educate themselves but are expected to know everything receive the cold shoulder while women get taken “under the wing” and get special treatment. This is frustrating for men, and patronizing for women.

Working with the Trades

I get the same reaction from the guys in the field. They love me and love working with me. I get compliments endlessly from our subcontractors and the patience they have with me is endless. Maybe this is simply because we have such a fantastic rapport and work together well. Maybe it’s because they don’t get to work with ladies much and enjoy the change.

Working with the clients

My husband has noticed, and I see that he’s right, our clients address me primarily with Sean as a secondary. Sean may be the primary contact on a project and have all the background, but if I’m in the meeting, all eyes are on me, and questions, comments, and credit is given to me.

It may simply be that our clients know that I’m the business operator and founder. It is not something I would normally pick up on, but due to the other instances mentioned above, it does cause me to question the reasoning behind the different treatment

The Bad

Inappropriate Comments/Gestures

When I walk onto a job site, I am accosted with hugs from people I barely know. They mention my looks. I get texts with hearts and flowers. I had so many men stopping by my office just to chat that I relocated my office to one where I could work without being seen from outside, preventing constant interruption.

I had one contractor text me that they didn’t see my car at the office on Valentine’s Day. I replied that I was working at home so that I would not be interrupted. He showed up at my house with red roses. Yes, it’s a sweet sentiment. But, it’s also highly disruptive and makes me wonder if he’d do the same if I were a male in the industry.

While the above actions seem well-intentioned, I guarantee that my male counterparts do not face all of these interactions and worry about when it will be taken too far and how they need to respond to adequately protect themselves from something utterly uncomfortable (or potentially dangerous).

I also want to acknowledge that these are not unusual experiences for women. I am not a rarity or an outlier. I’ve heard of similar experiences from many other women. 

Disregard of Expertise

As a woman in the design industry, I would never dare tell a contractor how to handle their power tools, schedule their crew, or manage a budget. 

Unfortunately, the respect for what I do is not reciprocated. Everyone thinks they are a designer. I have had carpenters suggest changes to my design (not based on buildability or as a collaborative suggestion, but because they think they know better). The most painful part is that a male carpenter making design suggestions to a client seems to hold more interest than a woman with a design degree and years of doing nothing but design.

Many times the carpenter’s design suggestions were not harmonious with the design, functional in the long term, sustainable, or were not a part of the plan because they have a negative impact on interior air quality.

I’ve heard contractors and carpenters claim to be designers, and tell my clients not to bother with the designer because we’ll just make the project cost more. To this I say, you get what you pay for. Construction without regard to design expertise is questionable and often times distasteful. 

I have had clients argue with me on design decisions, to have a male in the industry come in late to the conversation, make the exact suggestion I had and the client readily accepts it. Unfortunately, this has happened multiple times. In a recent instance, my then intern made a suggestion that the homeowner had been pushing back on me and she accepted it immediately and with enthusiasm. This was perplexing with the repeated suggestion having come from a less experienced male in the industry.

While I realize that the method of delivery can alter our responses, these suggestions were delivered in an identical manner.

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Being a woman in the industry has its pros and cons. I will say that people have begun to take me more seriously since my hair began to turn gray. Ageism and sexism are very tightly connected – being a young woman will most certainly come with the mentality of “how cute” and not “how knowledgeable.”

In each instance of distinctively different treatment from my male counterparts, I aim for professionalism. I’ve toned down on the “playing dumb” and instead take the approach of listening and responding with support, even when my response is to the contrary. My confidence has improved and I enjoy working with our trades knowing that they do respect my knowledge and skill. There are still plenty of instances where I have to “take a back seat” regardless of my knowledge or training in order to prevent the bruising of enormous egos. I find that I do a better job of interjecting with “That’s absolutely true, and in my experience [followed with statements that show both sides of the coin]” Following my passion for good design, I try my best to navigate the given circumstances, that do at times involve sexism, to create the greatest outcome for a successful project. Great design sees beyond gender.